Give space for people to change, please!

meritus pelangi langkawi

When I looked down the memory lane, mesmerising all the sweet and bitter moments in life, I could easily felt the most gratitude towards my creator, Allah SWT, whom made my journey so interesting. How I’ve struggled, cried, laughed, trembled, overjoyed, loved, and tried so hard in every incidents occurred to me, I have learned so much. I would never regret with every single things and actions I made previously. As I know, those things that happened, brought me where I am right now. I learned things the hard way. Meaning, I went through difficulties in life to finally turned me into a better woman. But one thing for sure, I do not change overnight.

I went through so many phases of improvements just to get me strive for the better and this reminded me not to feel comfortable at where I am every time. I’ve seen so many people out there trying to be judges punishing others who have not entirely change in becoming better Muslims yet. Perhaps you don’t see this much pressure on normal people but you might come across those who are known publicly. A little change they made on themselves; e.g. started to wear headscarves but with tight clothes will be totally condemned and cynically ‘advised’ with harsh words. I just don’t agree with this kind of attitude. I myself had drown in the so-called muslimah fashion world where wearing headscarf with tight clothes are norm to the society. But deep down inside I felt that I wanted to improve myself and slowly change my clothing piles. Changes happen when there is a little cry in the heart seeking for something to replace the old parts of ourselves. But a change requires a small or big trigger in us pushing to make the first move. Yes, that’s what it is – the first move.

When the first time I thought of covering my feet when I go out, I quite hesitated. Worried I might not be able to istiqomah or consistent in wearing socks but the determination to change has overcome my concern. There were people around you who would constantly checked on you, looking for any imperfection in you, just to pull you down. Although some meant to sincerely advise you, the words they choose might hurt you in many ways. I have seen many public figures who donned the hijab at the first phase, received some irritating comments pushing them to change 360 degrees into an ustazah. Comments on the headscarves being too short, not wearing socks, no inner wear underneath their see-through headscarves, etc.; were given in blunt, negative contexts. The person who is accepting these comments will eventually feel agitated because things they are slowly improving are still not enough in the eyes of the communities.

Giving advice is a form of da’wah. Apparently, da’wah has to be done with hikmah. You can’t be preaching about how ugly and horrendous the hell would be without revealing about the beautiful, alluring paradise. Getting others to perform good deeds requires proper da’wah invitation which comprises intellectual speaks and humble approach. My husband used to debate with me about an Islamic topic but I just couldn’t accept his argument. In the end, he made me watch a video of a famous shaykh who explained in detail about the ibadah. Alhamdulillah, with Allah’s decree, I accepted the fact with an open heart and thanked my husband for his method of da’wah – by using the video. I guessed not everyone able to absorb any form of preaching, thus we need to find suitable method to deliver our messages deliberately.

Rasulullah SAW said: “Whoever guides (another) to a good deed will get a reward similar to the one who performs it.” (Sahih Muslim)

I always emphasised on seeking  beneficial knowledge through out our lives. These knowledge will guide and help us to improve ourselves as human beings, especially as the servants of Allah. Without knowledge we will tend to go against the teaching of Rasulullah SAW as we do not know which is right or wrong. But there are others who have good knowledge but act arrogantly and quite conceited. With this attitude, they are keen to judge others who has not got better knowledge by giving inappropriate comments and hurtful thoughts.

Our words are du’a. Thus, speak or write with wisdom. Do not try to hurt others with our words even though we meant to give good advice. If we would like to give da’wah and corrected others’ faults, choose proper words and deliver them humbly. InshaAllah, Allah will make it easier for others to accept them.

Instead of saying, “Your hijab is not how a Muslim woman should wear!”

You can change it with, “MashaAllah, you look beautiful wearing hijab. I pray that you’ll continue learning about the hijab and may you always try to improve yourself wearing the full hijab.”

Be mindful that some people might struggle to change, they are probably starting at a very slow pace, but do not critic their effort. Show some respect and encourage them to keep going. We will never know the person we have been criticised before might be the one who is better than us in the akhirah. Allah knows best.

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Personal tutor

Things have changed since I got married. I left my career previously in the big city to submit myself to the world of marriage in a remote island far away from families and friends. But Allah’s plans are the best. Despite being in the utmost rural place, I have nothing to kvetch when the reality is I’m just happy.

When I first came to the island with Mr. Hubs, we did discussed on what I can do to fulfil my spare time. From opening a business to being a volunteer at an Islamic centre, we have thoroughly considered all the options with the pros and cons.

 

Mr. Hubs gave me the free rein to choose whichever I want to do as long as it’s beneficial to me in terms of knowledge, time and the future. Wow, the future! He’s a prudent man, so he thinks what’s best for the family a lot. Honestly, I think he’s the salt of the earth! (grin)

 

One day, his colleague asked if I could be a personal tutor to his children. Living in a place like this, there are not many choices for the students to opt for tuition class outside the school. After a long thought, I’ve decided to give it a try. Ahhhh… I don’t think it’s going to be so hard, isn’t it? (double grin)

 

You know who was the most sceptical about the idea of being a personal tutor a.k.a TEACHER? Definitely it was my mom! She said I’m garang and I was very garang when I taught my brothers their homework when we were in school. Well, I guess teachers must have that quality too so that the students would once in awhile BEHAVE.

 

Many months have passed, and I’m having a whale of time educating the students here. Believe it or not, my number of students has increased and my so – called ‘spare time’ is definitely occupied. Moreover, I am tutoring a slow leaner student with the capability to understand things at the surface and at a very slow pace. It’s a challenge for me as it tests my patience in being a teacher. Truthfully, I’ve never thought that I would be a teacher one day. But yet again, Allah has planned this to be part of my journey in this world and I’m truly happy to experience it. I’ve learned so many good things from teaching and inshaAllah, may it be something I can apply in my future undertakings.

 

Anyone here is a teacher by all means?

Love after marriage

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When I was young, I always thought that I will marry someone I love, someone who I got the chance to know him at least for couple of years, probably my first love during high school. In the society where it is normal to see Muslim man and woman going out together, holding hands, share their feelings towards each other and other romantic stuffs they might consider; I had the same perception that having a relationship with another man before marriage is okay.
A philosophy we get from the West is that someone should get married because of love. We watch too many movies and read too many novels which promote the idea of having true love even before getting married.

But little did we know, Allah has revealed many ayahs in the Quran saying about relationship before marriage. One of them is this:

And do not approach unlawful sexual intercourse. Indeed, it is ever an immorality and is evil as a way. [Al-Isra’ verse 32]
When I started to come back to embrace Islam fully (still improving myself), I realized that relationship before marriage is just a fantasy, false idea of a true love. It is not just because we might get hurt when the love is gone or the other person tends to break the relationship, but the morality of a Muslim is being questioned when one deny the ayahs of the Quran by approaching zina.

Truthfully, I did pray that He will not put me in a relationship before marriage. I wanted a clean, halal method to enter marriage. When people asked me when I will get married, my answer would be, “When I’ll meet him, I’ll go straight to marriage.”

 

Words we say are du’a to Allah. Even we should ask people we know to actually make du’a for us. Allah is the Al-Wadood, the Loving. He loves us so much that He wanted happiness in our lives. But He puts some tests first before He showered us with rewards. Then, Allah granted everyone’s and my du’a to finally experience the halal method in looking for spouse. Alhamdulillah.

 

Matchmaking is one of the ways to finding a life partner. But the Islamic way of matchmaking is not like how we see in the West which is also known as blind date. In Islam, a man seeks for a wife with 4 conditions; her beauty, her wealth, her family and her religion. But the most important criteria must be the religion first above anything. Same goes to woman. I totally have that one thing on my mind when I first thought of seeking for a husband, his religion. He might not be a pious man, but he is striving to be a good slave of Allah and a better Muslim.

 

One tip to share to single Muslims out there, do tell people you know and trusted, to look for a good candidate for you. There is a big chance that the person you know might know someone suitable and introduce him or her to you. In this case, a close friend of mine was approached by a lady who was looking for a suitable Muslim woman to be a wife to her husband’s friend, who is my husband now. When my friend knows that I was looking for a husband, she confidently introduced me to that lady and we started to communicate to proceed with the matchmaking process.

 

Starting with a photo and a simple resume of the man, I made istikharah prayers to ask for Allah’s guidance in making the decision. Alhamdulillah, I felt no doubt with this man so I agreed for a taaruf (meeting) with him. The taaruf was held at a place where we were accompanied by married couple at one table. It was a session where self introduction is made and both of us were comfortably communicating for about two hours.

 

The next day, we decided to proceed further. Cut the long story short, we then planned for the wedding when both families agreed to the marriage. Many people asked how I can select someone I don’t know to be my husband. It is simple. Trust Allah and His plans. I might not know if he is going to be a good husband to me but I have my full trust in Allah. I don’t simply choose someone just to get married but I marry him because of Allah. When a person is well mannered and put Islam first in everything he does, no doubt he can take care of you just like how he takes care of his religion.

 

I remember what Sheikh Daood Buttt once said in a marriage seminar not long ago that when you are about to get married to someone, take note that he is the only person you will spend your whole life with. Do not compare him or her with anyone else as he or she must be the only person you ever know. Accept his or her flaws, he or she is not perfect and so are you.

 

It has been few months since our marriage but Alhamdulillah He granted us with so much love. The love after marriage is something beautiful, I sincerely cherished it every day.

 

May Allah grants you with righteous spouses and avoid getting involved in relationship before marriage. Know your goal as a Muslim, Jannah.

 

 

 Pic credit to https://www.facebook.com/DrBilalPhilips/photos_stream 

The wedding

I thought about getting married a couple of years ago. Searching for the right candidate has never been easy. But I’ve never thought things will go differently in 2013.

When I finally met him.

 

Him in this post is none other than my husband. Yes, I’m married, alhamdulillah. It happened so fast but it’s the way I want it to be.

 

We were introduced by a married couple, then exchanged photo and biodata (these happened through the couple) and finally after istikharah, decided to perform taaruf ( the meeting).

 

During the 2 hours taaruf session, we were accompanied by a married couple and his married friend.We sat at the same table with the fellow chaperones, chit-chatting and trying to know each other. Alhamdulillah, the next day, we’ve decided to get married. Whoaaaa cepatnya!

 

Ramai yang tak sangka I will ended up getting married to somebody I don’t know (maksud kat sini mcm tak bercouple dulu). Yes, that’s exactly what I’ve prayed to Allah. I prayed that Allah not to put myself in relationship before marriage and make everything smooth and easy for me.

 

Alhamdulillah after both families agreed to the marriage idea, the solemnisation took place on 21 February 2014 in Penang. Sangat happy!!! 🙂

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Getting married doesn’t mean you need to get to know the other person for years then only you want to marry him. Choose a partner based on his/her religion first, Allah always comes first, then the rest are meant for you to accept and adapt. InshaAllah He will take care of the marriage. Love comes naturally.

 

Thank you to everyone for your prayers and wishes. We are truly happy to finally become husband and wife.

 



Writing

The feeling of not involving myself in blogging arena kept coming back now and then.

Firstly because I don’t think I have enough readers who will read each of my posts.

Secondly, I’ve got nothing to share with my readers anymore.

But to be honest, after few months of not blogging, I finally checked my account again and to my surprise, the ratings (number of viewers) keep increasing every day. *wink*

The adrenaline to write suddenly urged me to get my fingers on the keyboard fast.

I have an idea what to write on my next post!

Most probably I shall write about marriage!!!

Sounds interesting??

Patience

“The planning of The Almighty is better for you than your own planning, and He could deprive you from what you ask to test your patience. So let Him see from you a determined patience and you will soon see from Him what will give you joy. And when you have cleaned the paths of answering [of supplication] from the stains of sin [i.e have repented] and were patient about what He has chosen for you, then everything that happens to you is better for you whether you were given or deprived of what you have requested.”
-Ibn Al-Jawzi
When I think back of my life and how everything took place, I couldn’t help but thank Allah for the hardships and sweet memories He had given to me to face. MashaAllah… Kadang – kadang ada masa kita berdoa dan berharap sesuatu dengan penuh harapan, tapi Dia tak bagi jugak. But in the end, He gave something else which is better for us.

Second phase of Ramadhan

Mood nak tulis dalam bahasa rojak. Yup, bukan bahasa Melayu, bukan bahasa Inggeris, tapi campur – campur.

Assalamualaikum to all! How’s your Ramadhan? Ni dah masuk second phase of Ramadhan, lebih kurang 2 minggu dah kita berpuasa. Are you guys still thinking about food, food and food? By now, I hope we have passed all that and start focusing on ibadah more.

Bangun sahur tak? And if yes, u guys tidur balik? Or terus mandi, solat di awal waktu, then continue with reciting the Quran for at least half juzuk. Yup, you do have time for that you know. It’s better not to go back to sleep. NOT GOOOOD! If rasa nak tido jugak, suggest that you sleep before Zohor or after Zohor. At least, in the morning tu sempat buat kerja-kerja rumah and then buat solat Dhuha.

And to those who are working, you can go to work after you’ve done reciting a few pages of the Quran. While at work, take a 10 minutes break. Go down to the prayer room for solat sunat Dhuha. Bukannya lama pun. Dua rakaat je. 😀 Kalau boleh, elakkan dari tidur waktu lunch tu. Ramadhan ni sebulan je, don’t waste it okay! Nanti rugi sangat. Go and recite the Quran. Tadi pagi dah half juzuk, continue another half juzuk during lunch time. InshaAllah, dapat dah satu juzuk satu hari.

I’m sure your tarawih is fantastic! Keep it up till the end. Jangan lupakan tarawih bila dah dekat-dekat nak raya tu. It’s the last 10 nights of Ramadhan! Don’t you want to achieve the Laylatul Qadar?

Eventhough it’s only 13 days of Ramadhan, I’ve been tested by Allah in so many ways. But Alhamdulillah, with the on-going prayers and doas, everything went smoothly. Never underestimate the power of doa! Banyakkan berdoa di bulan mulia ni tau. InshaAllah, makbul.

See you guys in next entry!

 

 

My Hijrah – The journey of coming home

Everyone has their own story, journey of life i would say. Probably they are from bad to good or the other way around. But my journey was something that i never thought of walking. It was the journey of coming home.

For many years I tried to forget about him, the guy who was everything to me. He was my first love, my heart and soul, but things didn’t go our way. We ended the relationship after two years. I even moved to another state so that I won’t see him again. My heart never seemed to be at peace as day by day what I did was only occupied the time with fun and entertainment. I solat when I remember to solat and never occurred in mind to make solat as my first priority in daily life. That’s why I never found PEACE.

Till I realized that I have to go back to real roots of life – Islam – and living as a real Muslim. I started with keeping my solat 5 times a day. Then, in early 2010, I made up my mind to don the hijab. Alhamdulillah, the feeling was astonishing! I never thought dressing as Muslim woman would be very satisfying and comfortable. I would do this long ago if I knew how AWESOME the feeling could be!

It’s good to practice Islam. I began to recite the Quran mostly everyday till I feel ‘weird’ if I didn’t do it in a day. The Quran made an impact towards me in such a blissful way. It’s just like my ustaz said, the Quran is alive. The more you read it, the more it will affect you. MashaAllah… beautiful isn’t it? You should try it too!

But the most powerful thing was to do Salatul Layl – Night Prayer. I cried and cried to ask for Allah forgiveness and give me the strength to move on with my life. I kept doing it for many nights. I RECOMMEND this to all my fellow readers – wake up in the middle of the night (not for football match, okay) and start doing your 2 rakaat solat. It’s the best moment to talk to Allah.

Alhamdulillah – I’m able to move on now. Allah has showed me the way to happiness. The hidayah was a gift that I would not change with anything else. I pray to Allah that He won’t take back His guidance after He gave it to me.

I don’t regret about my past. Past is past. Lesson learnt. And now, I’m pretty sure Allah has reserved someone for me who I will love for the rest of my life. Thank you Allah.

 

 

Surah Al An’am Ayat 125